does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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