Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
