Soap is not a condiment
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
