i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i came on her dog
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I came so hard my ears popped.
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