hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
