is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
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