you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
