you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize