Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
