I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize