my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
