she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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