Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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