Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
