is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
