Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We just shotgunned beers for America
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
