I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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