you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
