he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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