Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize