THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize