well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
