What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
