My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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