I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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