So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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