yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize