you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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