well you can't waste a boner
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
