jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
