Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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