Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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