I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
