I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
