I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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