sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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