I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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