dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize