I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
