now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
