She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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