the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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