It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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