I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
