i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i drank out of a bidet.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
