she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
