my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
