Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize