"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
