My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize