I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
