wanna go halves on a baby?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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