i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
