you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
