so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize