Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize