Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
