when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
