wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
