Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize