I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was born a porn star she said
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't turn off my feet"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
