God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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