I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I party with great urgency now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize