Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
