Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
